A Goth Band Walked into a Bar

If the members of beloved Goth Crow band Chrome Bride (and subject of issue #4) we’re contractually bound to go to a bar (because they wouldn’t be seen in such a commonplace otherwise), I pondered, “what would they drink?”

A pitcher of Guinness first came to mind. Dark, rich, heavy, leaves you feeling full and antisocial after two drinks. But no, too “recently graduated frat boy” for Chrome Bride.

Dirty martini – classic, salty, refined. No, too dainty for the likes of musicians with dried blood under their fingernails.

Gin and Soda – A drink from another era, simple ingredients, hated by many, strong Christmas tree taste could mask many poisons. But no again – it just rings a slight “I’m watching my calories” vibe and Chrome Bride is watching nothing – except for your every move.  

And I circle around to the hard seltzer. At first, yes, ghastly. But pour it in a challis with half seltzer, half gin and a few drops of red food coloring and you’ve got yourself a confusing, frightening beverage and guarantees that no one ever invited you out to a bar again. Top it off with “and I asked for a spring of pennyroyal but the bartender said they were out” and you’ll likely be asked to leave right then!  

Think you’re ready to hang with Chrome Bride but embarrassed to introduce yourself as “Brad”? Don’t worry Brad, pop over to the Goth Name Generator and you’ll fit right in. Just bring your own red food coloring.

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